Hello Friend

I caught up with a friend last week.  We had not seen each other for a few years and she has just moved to The Coast from Sydney, as I am sure a lot of my Sydney friends will, given enough time.  We actually met through blogging, a few years ago.  Meeting people through blogging is a great experience because there are so many blogs out there for people to choose from.  And a few special people choose to follow you, for whatever reason, and those people you usually have some kind of connection with.  We just clicked straight away, similar goals, ideals, dreams.  Time flew as we sat chatting over coffee.  It was almost like we had only just caught up the day before, we were able to so easily talk to each other. 

I met a girl a few weeks ago.  We started chatting and found out we had so much in common.  She asked for my phone number.  She was new to The Coast and didn't know anyone except for the people she worked with and her partner.  I gave it to her and we are catching up today.  I have struggled with friendships since we moved up here.  At first it was almost impossible because of the hours we were doing.  Then we moved and we seem to be the only people in this area without children.  We don't seem to have anything in common with the neighbours and I think they look at us and scratch their heads trying to work us out.  But with the majority of our friends an hour away it has been hard.  And meeting people now is hard.  I find it difficult when I meet someone and have an instant connection with them.  What am I supposed to do?  Give them my number and say call me?  It reminds me of dating and I don't know what the protocol is.  

One of the girls at work told me yesterday that she was home alone this weekend with her little girl and that if I was free I was more than welcome to come round and have a drink.  I feel so fortunate that suddenly I find myself forming a support group right here on The Coast.  I never felt lonely, but I did feel that I was lacking in some serious local, female bonding, it was something in the back of my mind, almost like a little note on my To-Do list 'seek out some local friends'.  Zig Ziglar says that "If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere."  Perhaps I made this shift, or maybe it was because I stopped being so busy that I was able to stop and get back into life.  Either way I am going to keep on doing whatever it is I am doing, being a friend to everyone I meet and grow these buds of friendship I have been so fortunate to find.

Young Love

I remember when Hubby and I first moved in together.  We were both living with our parents at the time.  I had moved out (and back) several times so I was able to contribute a little to the enormous list of "Things you need when you get your own place".  Hubby was living in a little flat at his parents, so he had a few things to.  Like the bed.  I was back in my single, childhood bed, so it was his Queen that made the journey down.  It was hideous and I hated it.  That first night, it was getting dark and he had just finished setting up the entertainment unit (priorities, priorities) so it was time to move onto the bed.  But there was a piece missing.  A crucial piece which meant we spent that first night sleeping on the mattress on the floor.  I woke up with an asthma attack because apparently that place had never met a Dyson before.  I wonder if Hubby was questioning what he had signed up for.  The bed went up the next day.  It was low to the ground and had this awful aqua blue felt thing that went around the entire bed.  It looked so...... bachelor.  I understand Hubby was, and that at the time many many years ago it was probably quite fashionable, but still.

We went up the road to the Supermarket to do a big shop.  You know the one where you easily spend over $200 just getting everything; food, cleaning products and those random items you think, yes we need that, like a washing up brush.  We discovered they sold bedding.  We picked out a blue sheet set, $19.95, what a bargain.  Back then I didn't care that it was a cotton/polyester blend.  It was affordable, cheap and would do the job, and that was the goal back then.

We didn't have a table and chairs.  His parents came down about a week later with a surprise.  It was an outdoor 4 seater setting.  I set it up inside the house.  It became our dining table for about 6 months.  Everything was so innocent.  We didn't really watch TV.  We would cook in the cockroach infested kitchen.  Simple meals; fry some meat, cook some rice, open a bottle of sauce, voila, dinner.  I would set the outdoor table, we would sit down to dinner, say Grace and turn on Love Song Dedications (radio).  We would eat, and then lean back in our chairs sipping Apple Cider, talking, learning more about each other every day.

That was all our life was, getting to learn about each other and learning to live together.  As soon as we walked in the door all our problems vanished and it was just the two of us and nothing else mattered.  It was all new and exciting and there was this sense that this was it, we had found each other.  I would look across at him during dinner and have this feeling that in 50 years time, I would be sitting down to dinner and looking into the eyes of this man in front of me.  This was love.

Breathe

In - Two - Three and Out - Two - Three.  Time flies when you are busy, and the most tragic thing is I wish I could just pop back onto my blog and say I was caught up with something really exciting and 'noteworthy' but the reality is I have just been stuck in the generally busy-ness of life.  And health appointments.  Was it Round 2 or 3 of Bloods I had done on Saturday?  I am not sure, but I get the results today.  Because hey, when you have one health issue (PCOS) let's just keep digging to uncover more.

So here I am, so early in the morning it is still dark, finding myself drawn back to my blog and wondering just what I have done all this time.  I have Raz at my feet.  He is a morning Pug, but it's good, we hang out together in the morning while Hubby and Mr C snooze for as long as possible.  Every health appointment I have I keep getting told to relax (I wouldn't say life or my job is particularly stressful, just that I tend to be more anxious in general then most) so I now start my days with Morning Yoga.  It sounds so pious doesn't it?  But in reality when you are overweight and highly inflexible all it does it point out that you are just a little more than a few sessions away from achieving optimal health.  After all, trying to do some of the moves with a PCOS belly in the way is challenging and slightly mortifying (thank goodness I only have Raz as my audience).  I do feel slightly better afterwards, if only that my body has woken up a little bit more and seems to have caught up with my racing mind.

I have been quite busy around the house too, I have this great desire to Nest at the moment.  So a lot of time is spent at home cleaning and trying to sort things out.  Ever since we moved here I have had this To Do list.  But I think one of the great joys of house ownership is that there will always be something to do to the house/yard.  And really, if I did get it all done, what would we do on weekends?  So the list has gone and we will just potter about doing what we can when we feel like it.  Besides, unless I happen across tens of thousands dollars in the street, pottering is the cheapest option right now too.  And with only such a short amount of time left when it will be just the two of us, we need to save for our very Childless weekends away in the Hunter Valley, wining and dining.  Like we did a week ago. 

 

This is life right now, busy, but busy is the only auto pilot I have, so it might be time to jump onto YouTube, search yoga and so a quick session before the rest of the house starts to stir.

Hello 3am, Again

Insomnia.  My oldest friend, it is clear to me now that you are back again.  I am hoping you will be going very very soon and I know I am not supposed to talk about you because that will keep you in my mind but maybe discussing our relationship will send you packing.

When did we meet?  As a child I was a bad sleeper and afraid of the dark, but I think it was sometime during High School we really became aquainted.  I remember all those nights lying in bed for hours just waiting to get to sleep.  And then when I finally did, a few hours later you returned.  Up I was and out watching TV waiting for sleep to tap me back on the shoulder.  It was tough.  I really hated you in Year 12 but I was determined not to let you affect me or my grades.

Then there was Uni and you were still hanging around and what about my final year? I was so burned out and you finished it off and broke me.  That was when I met another two friends, Depression and Anxiety.  I remember my Dr asking, was I not sleeping because of the depression or was it the not sleeping that began the depression?  I really do not know how I finished that year and was actually able to graduate.  But I feel you took something from me that year, I felt I lost my passion and drive and I did not get that back for many many years and even now I wonder if I have it all back.

I think we will skip over the rest of my 20s, that isn't a blog post that is a whole book!  And now here we are.  With the house and wedding I understood why you came back and once things settled down I found sleep again.  I enjoyed it so much.  But lately I have been up and now I feel it isn't a few bad nights, it is you again.  I go to sleep so well but then around 3ish, I am up, and my brain starts ticking over and off we go.  So here I sit, glass of milk, not really watching the DVD I have playing on the TV, and surfing the web/playing games on the ipad.  

I know how the rest of the morning will turn out because it is the same every time.  I will crawl back into bed at 5am when I finally start to feel tired.  Then my alarm will go off at 5:45 and I will turn it off and continue sleeping, which means the early morning work out I have been doing will not get done and, fingers crossed, I do it when I get home.  Hubby will then wake me up around 6:30 - 7:00 when I will have a shower and try to wake up.  I will get to work, fortunately I don't have a formal start time but a window of time in which I need to turn up, but I will get there a little later than I planned.  I will then wonder how I arrived, as the car trip feels like a blur.  Around 11am I will hit the wall and then in the afternoon feel the need for bed.  I will come home and collapse on the couch and rest and then the evening will be ruined because I just won't have the energy to do the housework etc that I had planned on doing.  Then we go two ways; you give me the night off and I have a great nights sleep and tomorrow will be a much better day, or you return and I say "Hello 3am, Again."

Thank you

Two small words, and for many so hard to say but for the person on the receiving end it could really make your day.  I work in a very thankless job.  It isn't management or anything like that, it is just the nature of the job, lots of money and lots of emotions for clients.  I have been working quite hard on one particular job and did what I needed to, ahead of time and the clients still complained.  Today it just got to me.  They could have said thank you for the money so far and could you please advise when the rest will be forthcoming? But no, that seems too difficult.

I used to work in a department store when I first left school.  People were harsh but every now and then someone would say thank you and it would melt my heart.  I am sure to them they didn't even give it a second thought.  Sure I was doing my job but it was just nice for someone to notice I was a human being for just a moment.

This morning I did work for a more mature gentleman.  He thanked me and I continued to go out of my way for him.  For the complainers today I am sticking with our standard time frames, I not going to do them any more favours.

I was raised to always say thank you.  I thank my Dr for taking the time to see me and providing me with knowledge, I thank the receptionist when she puts mail in my tray, I thank the woman behind the register at Coles when she give me my bag and I thank my husband when he hands me a glass of water.

Who have you said Thank You to today?

Perfect Manhattan

On one of our Hunter Valley Weekends, we stumbled upon a bar with a cocktail list bigger than the wine list.  I thought I would venture away from what I was familiar with, and Hubby, well, he had no idea what to order, he chatted to the bartender who convinced him to try a Perfect Manhattan.  We sat and watched as the drink was made and nervously Hubby raised the glass to his mouth and with one sip he was won.  He declared it his favourite cocktail of all time (although truth be told I think he has only ever had 'Bourbon and coke' before this) and we enjoyed a night of cocktail-ing and devouring a plate of tapas listening to old school music and planning which vineyards we would squeeze in the next day.  During the week as I was back in Sydney I found a Deli and saw the maraschino cherries, freshly made, I bought some and knew that for this week I would have to relive our Hunter Valley Weekend, much to my Husband's delight.  Naturally this is our first ever time we have both agreed on 5/5

3 shots Rye Whiskey

1/2 shot Dry Vermouth
1/2 shot Sweet Vermouth

Shake all the ingredients with ice and strain into a cocktail glass, garnish with a maraschino cherry
Note: can substitute Rye Whiskey for Bourbon, but for authenticity I made this drink drink with 100% Rye Whiskey 

Hubby: Perfection, extra smooth, no harsh after taste, pure pleasure, 5/5

Me: Smooth with a clean finish, a perfect balance between sweet and dry, light and heavy, stick with 100% Rye to ensure the perfect balance, 5/5

Perfect for: The changing of the seasons from warm to cool, enjoy at the end of the night with special someone after a long day.

Try it: At home, I know many bartenders who cannot pull this off.

Oops

Dear Blog, 

I didn't mean to disappear for a fortnight, it just kinda happened.  Firstly two weeks ago I had a very busy week with stuff happening after work Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday and then work itself was just a nightmare.  And then this week, well, it was off to Sydney which meant up at 5am after only 4 hours sleep due to tossing and turning all night worrying about not getting up on time and then getting home somewhere around 8-ish?  I don't remember, life has been a blur.  On the plus side though we did get the turf down this weekend, finally and I found a little notebook which I will now scribble out all the blog posts I have had floating around in my head and put them down and remind myself that this year I did promise I was going to be a better blogger.  Which means, even though it is Sunday night I should put Friday's cocktail up, better late than never and there is still a few hours left in this weekend.  

To a much better week starting tomorrow.

xoxo

Cosmopolitan

It's raining, it's pouring

My husband isn't yet snoring

We are in bed watching tv instead

And we will be staying here until the morning

I love the rain.  Love it, in fact I even downloaded a few apps on my phone that plays rain and storms for as long as you want to listen to it.  But this is week 3 now?  And I am a little over bumming around on the couch and rearranging the house (I am also over The Boys bringing dirt into the house from a un-turfed yard but that is a different story).  What is a girl to do with this kind of weather?  She stays in her PJ's all day, brings the TV into the bedroom, sends her Husband out to play computer/xbox/guitar/whatever and sets herself up for some serious girl time.  I have pulled out my Sex and the City DVDs which I have not watched in a long time.  I remember when SATC first came out, I was in school, now, I am about a year off their age in season 1.  It's scary.  And I know I really shouldn't say this, but I will, I am glad I am not single and 30-something.  But then I do live on the Central Coast NSW, Australia.  I think if I was 30-something and single in NYC, it would be a very different story.  Of course tonight I must make the SATC signature cocktail, the Cosmopolitan.

1 1/2 shot Vodka

1 shot Cointreau
1 shot Cranberry Juice
1/2 shot lime juice

Shake all the ingredients with ice and strain into a cocktail glass

Hubby: Finally, a classic cocktail, slightly sweet and very refreshing, 4/5

Me: Strong citrus flavour, very refreshing and easily sip-able the way a cocktail should be, 4/5

Perfect for: Spending an evening in with The Girls and watching soppy rom-coms, also ideal as an apéritif.

Try it: On a night on the town and you want to be assured of a cocktail you know you will enjoy.

Blue Hawaiian

Summer is fading.  This week has just been rain, rain and more rain (good for the garden, not so good for finishing off the garden) and of course it is meant to rain all weekend long.  Summer is my least favourite season, I don't like the heat and retreat indoors as much as I can.  However all that said it has not stopped raining for so long that right now I could do with some of that summer sun.  Tonight as the rain beats down and Hubby and I snuggle up on the lounge with The Boys, I thought I would make something that should remind me of summer.  I wanted to go with a cocktail that screamed Tropical Island.  Tonight I will be dreaming of my favourite place in the world, Ellis Beach, Tropical North Queensland, sitting in the sun, soaking up the rays, looking out at the glistening ocean and in the far distance watching the storm clouds gather for the evening thunderstorm.  "How's the serenity?"  Tragically with this cocktail it is ruined, but I have to talk about the bad as well as the good, but as Hubby just said to me, "Can't you stick to the classics's?"  Yes Baby, I will.

1 shot Blue Curacao

1 shot White Rum
1 shot Coconut Cream
2 shots Pineapple Juice

Place all ingredientss into a blender with 1 cup of ice and blend until smooth.  Pour into a highball glass.  

Hubby: Coconutty but the coconut cream isn't working, not a nice consistency, 1/5

Me: Looks how a cocktail should but it lacked the full flavour I was expecting, also didn't like the consistency, I prefer my cocktails smoother, 2/5

Perfect for: Trying for it's good looks at a cocktail party once you have passed the point of being tispy and not caring too much about the taste and texture.

Try it: At a cocktail party cos it looks good, that really is all it is good for.

Dear HB...

I finally cancelled my Home Beautiful subscription yesterday, I had been meaning to do it for a while.  As I flipped through the latest issue at lunch I stopped at the reader letters, and thought I should write a letter to the editor.  I know this letter will never be published so I felt posting it on my blog was appropriate. 

Dear HB,

I just wanted to say that I have cancelled my subscription to your magazine.  I first met you when my Husband and I found ourselves building our new home.  I was seduced by your cover and impressed with your content.  I subscribed that month, knowing that this magazine would fill me with inspiration.  As the issues went by I would flip through the pages and wonder what exactly was different from the last issue.  Don't get me wrong, with each issue I would find something in there to be excited about.  I would think, "Yes, I can see that working in our new home" and I would look down the bottom for the price and think, "Actually, no, I do not have $5,000 to dish out on an armchair that can only be used by one person at a time and as nice as it is, I need to be practical". 

And then of course, the Real 'Homes' section,  month after month, a token house from Sydney, always, and then Melbourne, Queensland and now you do at least one house from overseas.  Always, these homes would be with a late 30s early 40s woman with her kids in the background talking about just how fabulous the expensive cushion was on the expensive couch, which is fine when your Husband is earning $100,00 plus, which he must have been because these stories were always something like: Who lives here?  Angela, an interior designer/stay at home mum/executive and her Husband John, CEO/CFO/Director and their two children, Chloe and Maxwell. 

In the end, HB, it's not you, it's me, for I am simply not your target market.  I do not have white walls, and we don't have space for a butler's pantry, nor is our yard big enough for the token swimming pool with the outdoor kitchen/lounge.  I don't want to fill my house with things from a magazine and end up with a cookie cutter house.  I want to fill my home with pieces that tell a story.  I want to walk around and smile at everything, at the memories and I want people to walk into my home and feel instantly at ease, to feel free to relax and be themselves, and to admire our uniqueness and smile at me and say "Where did you get that?" And I will not respond with this designer or that, I will respond and share with them the intimate details of exactly how we obtained this unique, one of a kind item.  Home Beautiful, it's over.

Linking in with Jacana for Totally Thursday 

The Symptoms

I am off to the Dr and the natropath today for a whole lot of tests, so I thought, now that it has been some time since I came off The Pill, to provide a run down on the symptoms that have developed since that time so I have a starting point and in 6 months time I can look back and see what has improved and what else needs doing.

The worst change I have noticed is I have exceptionally oily hair (which is also my number one pet hate I cannot stand it). I have to wash my hair with two shampoos everyday using a really harsh shampoo and if I go out at night I have to wash it again. Because of the shampoo I am using the mid section and roots are very dry that even my straighter can't keep it down.  I am considering chopping it all off into a bob because it is very difficult to wear out right now so almost every day it ends up in a ponytail eventually.  My skin is very oily now also, but I am so fortunate that I am yet to break out which was actually the whole reason why I was put on The Pill in the first place.

I have very rapid hair growth all over, I am doing my legs every 3 weeks now and I have a few hairs popping up on my chin and lip which is a very common symptom of PCOS.  I am yet to ovulate and have only had two long cycles.  I have been tracking my BBT and it reads like a stock market graph with no clear pattern.  My body seems to be suffering from a lot of inflammation, my sinuses are up with a runny none each day, itchy eyes and my asthma is a lot worse. I am not sure if this is related to the situation or just a coincidence. And of course there are the symptoms that I had while I was already on the Pill such as the cysts on the ovaries, insulin resistance, skin tags and the extra weight my with pregnant like PCOS belly. 

It looks bad but it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be and I feel good about that, of course I have no idea what is going on inside but I will find out soon enough and then that is when the battle really begins.

Mint Julep

My whole life I have only ever wanted to travel to two countries, England (which I achieved if only for a week) and America.  I don't know where this came from but I always had a thing for going to the US and seeing all the things you don't see on the Movies or the TV.  But I didn't want to just travel there for a few weeks and cram in as much as I could, I wanted to live over there for several years and experience all there was.  Of course I could never live anywhere in the world permanently, I would always have to come back Home to Australia.  But after I finished uni, I applied for a Green Card.  I had a vision of going over there, meeting a big burly NFL player and falling madly in love (I was single at the time).  Now things have changed but I would still love to go over there.  Don't tell our parents but we are trying our luck again with the Green Card and hopefully one year we will be lucky enough.  Until then, with Summer starting to slide away and disappear in the next few weeks, I felt this American Classic was just the thing.

2 1/2 shots Bourbon

2 tsp Water
1 tsp Caster Sugar
4 springs Mint

Muddle mint leaves with water and sugar in an old-fashioned glass.  Fill with ice and add Bourbon, mix for a minute or two to dilute and finish with more ice.  

Hubby: Too strong for me, just keep this at one, 2/5

Me: Refreshing, I was surprised how much mint I could taste but I enjoyed the flavour, it mixed well, just sip slowly, 4/5

Perfect for: Summer afternoons sitting outside soaking it up, ideal for horse racing.

Try it: Now, before Summer ends and also in November for the Racing Season.

More Babies

I was in Sydney on Friday for training and in the afternoon during a group discussion on safety, while studying a handful of photos (interestingly enough we were looking at a pregnant woman at a desk ) I looked down at my phone to see a message from my friend at work telling me she was now 8 weeks pregnant and everything was going really well.  I felt so happy for her I wanted to stop what I was doing and race back to the office.  I think if I was at the office I would be screaming and jumping around, so it was probably a good thing I wasn't there.

On the long train ride home my mind started to think less about the day and work and started to think more about babies and I found myself feeling a little melancholy.  When hubby picked me up he knew something was wrong.  I am so happy for my friend but I cannot help but feel a teeny tiny bit jealous.  And the thing is we are not even trying!  And hubby, being the man and having to find a solution to everything told me that, as discussed, we didn't want it to happen this year and gave me all the reasons why.  But it isn't about that.  It is about the fact that if we decided right now that yes, now is the time for a baby, it wouldn't happen.

I have been tracking my cycles ever since I came off The Pill over three months ago.  I am yet to ovulate and without ovulation a baby isn't even possible.  I just feel a little sad and a little frustrated because it isn't an option.  It is not about now or later it is about the fact that there is no option right now.  My fertility is so out of whack that at this point we are forced into the no children category.

After discussing this with my Hubby I felt better.  There have always been comments about when are we going to have a baby/provide a grandchild etc, and lately I have been finding these comments hurtful and invasive and I couldn't work out why.  Now I know. And a very small part of me cannot help but think, what if next year these problems still exist, maybe this is our lot in life.  And yes I am jumping the gun but this is what's in my head right now.  It would just be nice to know there is an option and we can choose.  I just need to keep focusing on my health, my PCOS and all the positives and also how amazing my life already is and just how for fortunate I am to have my husband, who worships the ground I walk on and treats me like a princess because if it is just meant to be the two of us then I could not ask for a better person to travel with.

Between The Sheets

Well Valentines Day is coming up.  Of course I never celebrate it because it is so commercial.  At least that is what I always said when I was single.  Now that I have Hubby I think why not jump right on in.  Naturally you should show the one you love that you love them everyday, and I do as does my Hubby, but for one day every year we get to bask in the cheesiness of it all and find each other the most ridiculous and cheeky cards we can.  And lets face it, you can turn your back on February 14 all you like but when a dozen red roses turn up at the office in front of all the girls you suddenly feel like a Princess who has always celebrated the day.  So for today I thought I would find something that had a little romance in the name of the drink without sounding too.....direct.  Of course I knew this day would eventually come, it had too, trying new ingredients and combinations and for this week, it was a total flop.

1 shot Cointreau

1 shot White Rum
1 shot Brandy
1/2 shot lemon juice

Shake with ice and pour into a Martini glass.  

Hubby: Yuck this just doesn't work, 1/5

Me: Um, just don't think citrus and brandy really go together, 3 sips and I am done 1/5

Perfect for: Maybe as a hangover cure.

Try it: Perhaps don't.

Fashion

I have never been trendy, kinda comes with being a nerd.  I don't go along with everyone else, I like to keep it simple.  In fact this blog could be the trendiest thing I am doing.  I am not even on Facebook because frankly I feel if you want to catch up, pick up the telephone.

So for many years I refused to get an iPhone for the simple reason that everyone else has one and I was not going to succumb to this trend, but at the end of last year Hubby and I were complaining for the millionth time about our crappy non iPhone phones that were less than a year old.  So we gave in, we both had brand new iPhone 5s.  Of course, I couldn't be like everyone else, I had to get myself a really funky case to go with it.  So I got this.

The next day the girls at work were coming up to me oohing and ahhing over the CASE.  At the dentist the other day (Part 2 of root canal) I was sitting in the chair (for an hour) listening to music via my iPhone and the dental assistant stopped what she was doing and pointed to my case "Great case, I love it, where did you get that?"  No one actually cares about the fact I have an iPhone, it is all about the case.

And here is my problem.  The case is very chunky, I guess it has to be with all those crystals, which means my phone doesn't work at home, reception here isn't that great, but with all this extra protection on my phone I get nothing.  Hubby has no problems, but I have nothing.  So what do I do?  Leave the case on and bask in my 15 seconds of fashionable glory or ditch the case and go for practicality, which I always choose anyway.  I am leaning towards the fashion, being undisturbed on weekends while I am at home is not a bad thing, and while people continue to comment I will continue to smile and enjoy this fleeting fad.

Linking up with Jacana for Totally Thursday 

Becoming

"We can't become what we need to be by remaining what we are" - Oprah

I came across this quote yesterday and I cannot stop thinking about it.  I need to print it off onto some fancy paper and stick it all around the house and on my desk at work.  I don't want to say this but I have to; I feel like stumbling across this quote has been my "a-ha" moment, in Oprah speak.  But I need to go back.

I have always known that I would never truly be happy in the career 'segment' in my life until I was my own boss.  Which meant that I would never really be happy until I had my own business.  Throughout my 20's I had thousands of ideas and I would eagerly research those ideas until the next one popped in when I would drop everything and venture forth onto the next topic.  These ideas only ever remained that, ideas.  I was (and still am) the classic dreamer.  But deep down I knew within myself that one day I would be that entrepreneur with my own business living my dream. 

Lately I have felt stagnant at work.  I have been challenged there, but at the end of the day it is still the same thing.  It feels like a production line, but instead of sorting through items on a conveyor belt, you sort through paperwork and do the same thing each day.  I have been thinking about all those dreams I had, all those ideas and my dream of being my own boss and asking myself Why?  And then I found myself thinking, What?  What idea will it be that I finally take hold of and jump off the cliff and give it a go.

And then I read that quote yesterday.  I am not ready.  I need to become that woman in my head I visit everyday that has the life I envy, but I am not her yet and I never will be if I stay as I am.  That was the whole goal for 2013, to become that person and at the end of the year be ready to take those steps from turning dreams into something real.  The last month has felt like a lot of fluffing, a lot of 'paper sorting' but this quote is a nice reminder that I actually need to take action, I need to change and I need to become. 

Frozen Grasshopper

Summer.  Remember the ice cream man?  You would hear that music and immediately I was running around the house trying to find mum and asking for money.  She could give me and my brother a few dollars and it was off down the driveway hoping we had not missed him.  Most of the time I ordered choc mint ice cream.  It was my favourite flavour.  Green was my favourite colour and I loved the crunchy choc bits in it.  We would get our ice creams and sit on the steps outside the front of the house, absorbed in the sugary goodness, watching the afternoon pass by.  As school goes back this week I thought it was fitting to take myself back to those Summer Dayz.  

1 shot white creme de cacao

1 shot green creme de menthe
3 scoops of vanilla ice cream

Put all ingredients into a blender and blend until combined.  Pour into a Martini glass.  

Hubby: Just like choc mint ice cream only boozy, 4.5/5

Me: Heaven!  A naughty version of choc mint ice cream, what more is there to say, 5/5

Perfect for: Anytime during Summer, serve as dessert after a classic summer meal.

Try it: When you hear the sound of the ice cream man, because you know you won't be running after that truck.

Review

I thought it may be helpful for me to provide a quick rundown at the end of each month on what has happened.  I want to focus on the positive and the good and pat myself on the back for what I have achieved in terms of my two operations and to fire myself up for the next month.

For the fertility side of things I have managed to weigh 1.3kg less.  I have also been a lot more mindful about what I eat and my 'toxic load'. I manage to drink 1.5L of filtered water on most days and I am happy about this. For February I want to focus on exercise, just walking like I did before things became a little too busy.  I will also be planning my meals (which I have done) but making more of an effort to stick to the plan.  If you fail to plan you plan to fail but then as I have learnt this month, in order for a plan to work you kinda need to stick to it :)

As for the house/home, it has really been a lot of little things, just ticking off a few things that have been sitting around for a while.  Clearing out the filing cabinet, getting the paperwork into a manageable order and lots of cleaning.  I have been out in the yard most evenings attending to my hedge, looking after it and I am pleased to say that it is growing, each plant has lots of new growth and I am looking forward to reaping the benefits at the end of the year.  February is going to be a big month in terms of the house.  We are back into the garden on Saturday with another 15 plants arriving and we are arranging quotes for the deck.  I think also February will involve a little bit of painting too.  Our breakfast table is pine and it has been stained honey.  I love timber and I like honey timber, but just not pine, whenever I see pine I have to paint it, this is what I am wanting:

Image

January has been a good month, going with the flow and pottering about doing lots of little things, and really getting ourselves ready for February, I have looked at my diary for next week and already it is packed.  Bring it on.

Duck Fat Potatoes

Jamie Oliver taught me to boil and use duck fat, but it was Gordon Ramsay who taught me to rinse and heat.  Here is what I do to achieve the perfect baked potato.

Peel the potatoes and cut into desired sizes, once cut rinse under water as this will get rid of all the excess starch.

Then boil the potatoes to a point where they are half cooked, this will ensure they are nice and fluffy inside, I boil them for around 10-15 minutes.

While boiling preheat the oven and pour a generous amount of duck fat into the pan and put in the oven to get the fat nice and hot.  I struggled to find duck fat in the shops, however after some googling I found Gourmet Goldmine which had exactly what I wanted, duck fat (from France) a few clicks and a couple of days later it arrived.

Once the potatoes have boiled for long enough remove, drain and allow to cool slightly (around 5 minutes). Take the pan out of the oven and pop in the potatoes.  I put them in and then flip straight away with tongs to ensure full fat coverage.  Put in the oven, I have the oven on 200°C and put them in for 15 minutes, but it will all depend on your oven and the size of your potato pieces.  As a side note I don't follow recipes, I look at recipes and then vaguely follow while being guided with what I see, smell, taste and feel.  After 15 minutes take out and flip them over before popping in for another 15 minutes.  

And voila.  Perfect duck fat potatoes (with just a slight sprinkling of sea salt).  And if you are concerned about cooking with duck fat (and this is a moderation food not a daily food) perhaps have a read here.

A special thanks to my brother who was up on the weekend and took these photos.  He is much better than I am.

Waltzing Matilda

Happy Australia Day (for tomorrow) it was only appropriate that I make an Aussie cocktail. However, when you think of Australia and booze you think of a bloke with a beer and 'shrimps on the barbie' or you think of wine with the highest alcohol content around.  The closest we come to having a cocktail would be 'Bundy and coke'. But after some searching around I stumbled upon the Waltzing Matilda.  Not only is this the perfect drink to serve tomorrow but I have added it to my list of things to make again.

4 shots dry white wine
1 shot gin
1 1/2 shots passion fruit juice
1/2 shot orange curaçao
Sparkling ginger ale

Put all ingredients except the ginger ale into a cocktail shaker with ice.  Strain into a Highball glass and top with sparkling ginger ale.
(Note: I tried very hard but was unable to find straight passion fruit juice so I used an orange and passion fruit mix)

Hubby: Not too bad, mild flavour essentially wine with ginger, 3/5

Me: Perfect! Mild, refreshing, easy drinking, does not taste like a true cocktail, reminds me very much of punch, but I love it, 5/5

Perfect for: Australia Day! Any BBQ would be ideal, I would serve as a punch and sip away while soaking up the sun and enjoying a serve of lamb.

Try it: When you cannot decide between wine or a cocktail, also handy for making a bad wine drinkable.

Waiting

I am sitting here in my study waiting.  I have the front door open and a few windows and I am waiting for the rain to start.  I can feel it in the air and the sky is grey.  There was a slight preview on the way home and now I am waiting for the the water to come flowing from the sky and for the air to change.  The house is feeling stuffy right now and I want fresh air to run through the house and brighten it up just a little.

I am also waiting for dinner.  I have duck fat potatoes roasting in the oven.  This is my third attempt at them, the first two times just have not worked out, but thanks to Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey I am hoping I am going to be enjoying them tonight.

So I sit hear waiting.  Hubby is playing the harmonica in another room and I am here catching up on blogs with my mind ticking over as background noise with little reminders of things to do and as I wait I see my list getting longer and longer.  And so often with waiting comes procrastination.  I could start crossing a few things off my list but right now it feels nice to just sit with my meandering thoughts looking out the window.  

The Boys are pottering about, Raz has just walked in and found an envelope that must have fallen behind the cabinet, and he is happily chewing on it and waving it in front of his brother, teasing him, waiting to start a game.  

I long for the day when I can do this all over again but sit out on my wraparound deck and look out onto rolling green hills spotted with livestock.  For now though, my potatoes need checking and bills need to be paid and the wait is over, time to get on with living.

Snickers

Yes there is a heatwave going on.  I know this because at noon today we lost power at work which equals no air con.  I remember back when I was a kid at school and going through the yearly heatwaves.  My uniforms (100% synthetic materials) would stick to me and I would be on the train with a red face all hot and sweaty (nothing has changed much now really).  Of course as soon as I arrived home, mum would treat us with an ice cream.  Tonight I thought it was time to make something with cream, something sweet, something to cool off with:

1 shot Butterscotch Schnapps

1 shot Kahlua

3 shots Cream  

Put everything into a cocktail shaker filled with ice and shake, serve in a Martini Glass 

Hubby: Wow that's good, creamy and tastes just like it sounds, 5/5

Me: Liquid dessert, just like the chocolate bar great for a sweet craving, 5/5

Perfect for: Summer afternoons with the girls reliving all things 80s (or whatever childhood decade is appropriate for you)

Try it: When you have a little bit of cream left in the fridge and you just don't know what to do with it, also when you need a sweet hit.

Embracing

(I don't have a habit of letting Mr C eat my shoes, I turned around and this is how I found him)

Lately things have changed a little.  We seem to have found our niche and spot in this world and we are embracing just who we are.  In all honesty I have never been one to try and fit in with the crowd, I have never felt that I was ever in the crowd, but more standing back doing my own thing and occasionally glancing over at what everyone else was doing and thinking "What's the big deal?".

Our house will never be featured in a magazine, the walls are not white and I have a thing for colour.  We don't fill our house with things from the shops, things that everyone else has, and I really am not too fussed about throw cushions.  Aside from our bed and rumpus lounge, our house is full of second hand furniture, either from family or from second-hand vintage warehouses.  And the items that fill in the gaps are hand made and we have been fortunate enough in some instances to have spoken to the creator of the items themselves.  Our style is organic, natural, and most importantly, unique.

I do not like shopping.  Every now and then I would love a day in The City (with an unlimited Credit Card) to spend with my mum where we shop to our hearts content and have lunch at David Jones by the window overlooking Hyde Park.  Outside this I am not a fan.  I go to the shops when I need to, and by that I mean when I cannot get something online.

Some weekends are spent at home, we lock ourselves in our house and just chill with The Boys.  We don't feel the need to go out all the time, being introverts we get our energy from just being at home.  We are homebodies to the extreme and lately I have thought, why fight it?  What is so wrong with wanting to spend a day with my husband at home, pottering and snuggling on the couch watching Seinfeld for the 100th time?  In fact I really love getting up early on a Saturday morning and doing housework, to me it feel so satisfying, I would rather do that then go off to Westfield.

When we are not being homebodies we are out indulging in food and wine and antiques.  We love to explore country towns, popping into antique stores, we love to collect old books, for Hubby it is Engineering and for me it is Agriculture and Australian Classics, for most that would seem weird, but we love it.  We love to eat at good restaurants where they grow the food on site and where someone talks to you at the table to explain in great detail about your meal and of course to enjoy the meal with a great glass of wine.  I get a real kick from boutique wineries were we are the only people at the cellar door and the winemaker/owner takes the time to tell us their secrets and stories in each bottle of wine.  We seem to make instant friends with those who are as passionate about these things as we are.

Monday morning as people discuss their weekends at work I cannot help but think how different we are.  But why fight who we are?  We are now finding ourselves as a couple and embracing everything we have in common and all our passions and I could not be happier.  You really have two options when you wake up each day.  Choose to be happy and true to yourself

Cold People

There has been a bit of a heatwave going on around here lately, although it is difficult for me to know.  I wake up and turn the a/c on, get into my car and turn the a/c on and when I get to work (and park underneath the building) the a/c is also on.  Then after work back into the car and then home.  When clients come in and tell me how hot it is I smile, hoping it conveys the message that I can relate, when really I have no idea.

Hubby and I are cold people.  We love the cold, Autumn and Winter are our seasons, we prefer to dress in many layers that to wear a single cotton layer for the day.  I have friends that are hot people, they are loving it right now, on the weekends they are out at the beach or at the lake on the boat, they are in their element in this heat wave.  For Hubby and I, this weekend was our second weekend in a row where we stayed indoors.  We did pop out briefly for the required Vitamin D hit and fresh air, but most of the time was spent inside with the a/c on, nesting, cooking, cleaning, reading, relaxing and napping.  This is what we do.

But as soon as the air changes in late March/early April that is when we come out of hibernation.  I love getting up at the crack of dawn in those months and opening the front door and letting in all the fresh, cold air.  I LOVE the chill in the air, the crispness of it hitting me in the face.  I love to layer myself in wool and more wool.  I love to be out and about doing stuff, yes we are that couple in the coffee shop sitting outside in the morning air while the hot people cling to their hot coffees inside around the heater as if they had hypothermia.  We go out every weekend, to the beach, the lake, country day trips filled with wine tasting or antique hunting, we are in our element.  Oh how I long for those days.  

For now and the rest of summer we are retreating inside.  We are working on the house, quietly, and talking about our dreams and the future.  This weekend we have found ourselves nesting and making lists on what we want to do on the house for the rest of the summer and using this time the best we can because when the air changes it will then be time for us to step out and thrive.

The Real Midori Illusion

Ahh Midori, you bring back so many memories.  All of them from my uni days, that was a while ago now, and then of course you did make an appearance at a few 18th Birthday Parties in my final year of school, that funny shaped green bottle really takes me back.  The most popular was the classic Midori and Lemonade, but it was almost always premixed as the student budget didn't stretch to buying the actual Midori.  Hot summers, being stuck in rooms without air conditioning.... I might have some memories but there is no way I would go back. 

 

1 shot Bacardi Rum 
1 shot Cointreau
1 shot Midori
1 shot Vodka
1/2 shot Blue Curacao
Pineapple Juice
Lemonade   

In a highball glass mix over ice and top up with half pineapple juice and half lemonade.  

Hubby: Very nice, perfect for a hot day, is a strong alcohol taste, 4.5/5

Me: Whoa!  High on the alcohol, very fruity and refreshing, great tropical taste but definitely leave it at one, 4.5/5

Perfect for: Sitting by the pool late in the afternoon and sipping slowly while watching the sun go down.

Try it: On a hot day when you need something refreshing, just make sure you don't need the car afterwards.

To Travel Or Not To Travel

 

Just over 2 months ago my supervisor took on another role for 2 months and I was asked to act up in her role.  She then took another role for 3 months and I am staying on her job for the next 3 months.  Yesterday my boss asked if I was happy to stay, I said yes, assuming he meant if on the odd chance she didn't come back I could stay in this role, but then he asked about travel.  Would I travel or would I stay in this office.  Because he felt if I wanted to go for this same role in one of our other offices, such as the several offices in Sydney, I would have no trouble.  And it has me thinking....

Having now been in this role for just over two months, I like it.  Really what is not to like?  More money, more responsibility, more respect and I have increased my skill set exponentially in the last 2  months.  Let's be totally honest, it will be very difficult for me to step back down after having been there for 5 months.  I would like to stay in this role and my boss is telling me I can if I am prepared to travel.  But I have done the travel thing.  When we first moved up here I was working in Newcastle and that was 1 1/2 hours each way.  I would get up early, get dressed and go to work, I would come home at 7pm have dinner, and go to bed.  When the weekends rolled around I had no energy and spent most of the time bumming around at home.  Outside work there was little time for much else.  

But, I keep thinking about it.  About staying in this role permanently.  Is it worth it?  Will all the benefits outweigh the travel?  And then I remind myself to look at the big picture.  My future is not with this company or with this industry, my future is with myself as boss and lots of rolling green hills.  I like my job, I really like it at the moment, but is it worth commuting to The City each day for when, in the big picture, it isn't even part of my dreams?

Babies

One of the girls at work returned back to work yesterday after almost a year on maternity.  Today another girl was announing her pregnancy.  The new mother and the new pregnant girl started talking baby when suddenly my friend at work appeared at my desk on the verge of tears.  I took her outside and she told me she was pregnant, but miscarried at 7 weeks and her due date was a week after the newly pregnant staff member.  And right now she couldn't handle the baby talk.

It has stuck with me all day.  Firstly, she is the nicest person in the world, nobody ever says anything nasty about her because frankly there is nothing to say.  She is that girl who is bubbly and positive and you really want to dislike her but you just can't.  Secondly she is the healthiest person I know.  Literally, she goes to the gym almost everyday and her lunch would make the Dr proud.  Whenever there is cake at work she turns it down every time.  Then, as she said to me today, we walk through the streets at work and it is full of dole bludgers, addicts and alcoholics who are pregnant and with children.  Just doesn't seem fair.

I guess with Operation Fertility on my mind the whole thing bothers me, but maybe also because of the crushing pain I could see in her eyes.  She is hurting and is aware of how unhelpful the pregnant colleague is going to be, knowing the whole time that could have been her, she told me it was going to be hard.  I cannot relate, I have never been in that situation, all I could offer her was my ability to listen and I told her I would bring in a book I had just read on fertility that I had found helpful.

I have babies on my mind.  As my friend said, at least she fell pregnant, and she is right.  I hope she gets what she wants very soon.  She will make a wonderful mother.  It makes me think about my situation.  I haven't ovulated since I came off The Pill in November and my PCOS symptoms are starting to show.  I am very aware of just how messed up my fertility is.  And I feel I am only just seeing the surface.  Tonight, I have babies on my mind.

Scotch Fizz

Welcome to this year's blog project, Friday Night Cocktails.  I am not much of a cocktail drinker as I never had much on hand to make them with and I thought this would be a great excuse to get mixing.  Friday night is when we come home, have a glass or two of wine and chillax on the couch after a long week at work, this will be the same, except we will have a cocktail in hand, which may mean we have to rethink the couch/tv thing as cocktails usually call for a little more glamour.

Are you wondering what to do with all that left over sparkling from New Years?  How about trying a Scotch Fizz:

1 shot Single Malt Scotch Whisky

1/2 shot Cointreau

Sparkling

Shake Scotch and Cointreau with ice, serve into champagne flute and top with sparkling.

Hubby:  Gives champers a kick with a slight after burn thanks to the Scotch.  4/5

Me: Refreshing and ideal for a little something extra, enhances the dryness of the sparkling and leaves a little orange aftertaste in your mouth.  4.5/5

Perfect for: A pre dinner drink or sitting at a bar sipping slowly, not one to share with the girls.

Try it: When your Hubby wants Scotch and when you are over all the sweetness of most cocktails.

Resolutions

All the goals Hubby and I have set can really fall into one of two categories, or as I will refer to them, as Operations.  That is right we have two Operations this year that will be our focus and take up our time, energy and money and with all things going to plan have us in a much better position in 12 months time.

First up is Operation Fertility.  Note the word Fertility not Baby, there will be no baby this year (although I understand not everything is within my control so of course if something was to happen it would be celebrated with more joy than our wedding).  This year is about getting my health on track and getting PCOS to disappear so next year we will be in optimum health for Operation Baby.  The biggest goal to fall into this category is to reduce my weight by 30kg.  Other goals include having my fasting blood glucose test result to fall into normal range and some financial goals because my current 1996 model, 2 door car with no room for a baby seat (or two, twins is in the family) just won't make the cut therefore having some money for the inevitable bigger car purchase is needed.

Second is Operation House to Home.  Changing our house from something that looks (and even feels just a little) like a display house to a home that is welcoming, inviting, personal, comfortable, private and when you open the door you feel that you are walking into a family home.  Goals that fall under this category include building the deck, finishing the hedge, landscaping the front yard, putting photos up on the walls, changing the Baby Room from a junk/storage room to an EMPTY room, finding suitable storage for our collection of books and finally, sourcing a retro bar/drink cabinet.

On top of these two things I also want to be a better blogger.  I do neglect this space and have so many blog posts in my head, yet when I finally do sit down they don't seem relevant anymore or I cannot remember them.  So I want each month to have at least the number of blog posts in the double digits and for every single person that takes the time to comment and say hello I will take the time to say hello back.  I want to start regular posting as well, some common post every week, I am thinking about Friday Night Cocktails as it will be a great excuse for me to actually start making some (and would also be a great reason to find the retro bar sooner rather than later).  

Here is to a wonderful, productive 2013, I have a great feeling about this year.