One of the girls at work returned back to work yesterday after almost a year on maternity. Today another girl was announing her pregnancy. The new mother and the new pregnant girl started talking baby when suddenly my friend at work appeared at my desk on the verge of tears. I took her outside and she told me she was pregnant, but miscarried at 7 weeks and her due date was a week after the newly pregnant staff member. And right now she couldn't handle the baby talk.
It has stuck with me all day. Firstly, she is the nicest person in the world, nobody ever says anything nasty about her because frankly there is nothing to say. She is that girl who is bubbly and positive and you really want to dislike her but you just can't. Secondly she is the healthiest person I know. Literally, she goes to the gym almost everyday and her lunch would make the Dr proud. Whenever there is cake at work she turns it down every time. Then, as she said to me today, we walk through the streets at work and it is full of dole bludgers, addicts and alcoholics who are pregnant and with children. Just doesn't seem fair.
I guess with Operation Fertility on my mind the whole thing bothers me, but maybe also because of the crushing pain I could see in her eyes. She is hurting and is aware of how unhelpful the pregnant colleague is going to be, knowing the whole time that could have been her, she told me it was going to be hard. I cannot relate, I have never been in that situation, all I could offer her was my ability to listen and I told her I would bring in a book I had just read on fertility that I had found helpful.
I have babies on my mind. As my friend said, at least she fell pregnant, and she is right. I hope she gets what she wants very soon. She will make a wonderful mother. It makes me think about my situation. I haven't ovulated since I came off The Pill in November and my PCOS symptoms are starting to show. I am very aware of just how messed up my fertility is. And I feel I am only just seeing the surface. Tonight, I have babies on my mind.
Such a well written and heart wrentching post. I have a lump in my throat.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words Jacana :)
DeleteWhat a huge heart you have. To give this girl all your sympathy and care when you too have your heart to consider. I have a very dear friend who is trying for a baby. It breaks my heart to see her be so brave when I can only guess at how she must feel. The irony is, she works in family welfare, and witness's everyday parents who just don't care about their kids. Life just isn't fair.
ReplyDeleteTake a small consolation that you are amongst some of the most beautiful and kind and brave women I know. My wishes and hopes for you all. xxx
Thank you Kirsa, your words make me want to cry and smile at the same time xx
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