Dear HB...

I finally cancelled my Home Beautiful subscription yesterday, I had been meaning to do it for a while.  As I flipped through the latest issue at lunch I stopped at the reader letters, and thought I should write a letter to the editor.  I know this letter will never be published so I felt posting it on my blog was appropriate. 

Dear HB,

I just wanted to say that I have cancelled my subscription to your magazine.  I first met you when my Husband and I found ourselves building our new home.  I was seduced by your cover and impressed with your content.  I subscribed that month, knowing that this magazine would fill me with inspiration.  As the issues went by I would flip through the pages and wonder what exactly was different from the last issue.  Don't get me wrong, with each issue I would find something in there to be excited about.  I would think, "Yes, I can see that working in our new home" and I would look down the bottom for the price and think, "Actually, no, I do not have $5,000 to dish out on an armchair that can only be used by one person at a time and as nice as it is, I need to be practical". 

And then of course, the Real 'Homes' section,  month after month, a token house from Sydney, always, and then Melbourne, Queensland and now you do at least one house from overseas.  Always, these homes would be with a late 30s early 40s woman with her kids in the background talking about just how fabulous the expensive cushion was on the expensive couch, which is fine when your Husband is earning $100,00 plus, which he must have been because these stories were always something like: Who lives here?  Angela, an interior designer/stay at home mum/executive and her Husband John, CEO/CFO/Director and their two children, Chloe and Maxwell. 

In the end, HB, it's not you, it's me, for I am simply not your target market.  I do not have white walls, and we don't have space for a butler's pantry, nor is our yard big enough for the token swimming pool with the outdoor kitchen/lounge.  I don't want to fill my house with things from a magazine and end up with a cookie cutter house.  I want to fill my home with pieces that tell a story.  I want to walk around and smile at everything, at the memories and I want people to walk into my home and feel instantly at ease, to feel free to relax and be themselves, and to admire our uniqueness and smile at me and say "Where did you get that?" And I will not respond with this designer or that, I will respond and share with them the intimate details of exactly how we obtained this unique, one of a kind item.  Home Beautiful, it's over.

Linking in with Jacana for Totally Thursday 

Reflections

Hubby and I started 2012 with only 2 goals set for the year.  The first was to move into the house that was 2 years in the making and the second was to get married.  We knew that both these goals would be achieved in the first half of the year, but did not want to set any goals for the second half of the year because we felt we just wouldn't have anything left in us after those two goals.  We were right.  In fact it has only been in the last month or so that I have started to feel the urge to set some more goals and start achieving again.

A month before our wedding we moved into our first house.  It was just over two years from when we paid the initial deposit on the land and the journey to that point was a tough one, and a huge learning experience.  I love our house and I love that in the end we got there.  People ask if we would do it again.  The answer is No.  If we could go back we wouldn't have taken this path, but that does not mean we regret it, we have no regrets.  I still walk around our house, knowing I am free to hang up a picture and change the paint colour and I feel I am in dream.  Sometimes it doesn't seem real and I have to pinch myself.  Hubby and I worked hard for this and it was worth it.  We are both so fortunate to live here and to live in our beautiful house.

Then there was the wedding.  It was an intimate affair, we ran away to the country, 6 hours from home, rented out a 100 year old Summer House and eloped.  We did invite our parents and siblings and Hubby's godparents, and they were our only guests.  We were married in a little white country church and the bell was rung by my brother after the ceremony.  We were driven around in a 1950's Jag for our photos before our late lunch reception in the Great Hall of the Summer House.  It was autumn, both fireplaces were roaring and all 10 of us sat around one table in front of the fire.  There were tears of joy, smiles and lots of laughter.  After the photographer left we all changed into more relaxing clothing and chatted by the fire.  Hubby and I finally had a chance to be alone and we sat in our spa for half an hour talking about the day.  Finally, we were Husband and Wife.  We then joined our families for a light supper of home made soup where the night was spent eating, drinking and singing.  The next day our families left and we had a day to relax before embarking on a month long road trip Honeymoon.

The second half of the year has been spent working on our house and settling into married life.  For the first time in our relationship we had the chance to just Be.  2012 has been the best year of my life and it will always be a special year for us.  I look back on this year with so many happy memories and I can only look back and smile.

Order

In my mind the last couple of weeks are joined into one giant blob and I cannot distinguish one day from another.  Every Monday at work people ask how your weekend was and I remember last Monday stopping to think what I actually did and realising I had no idea.  The weekend that just passed, aside from catching up with my family over lunch was spent Getting Stuff Done.  For the last few weeks we have been in a chaotic mess Getting Stuff Done and I look around and wonder what we actually achieved.

I don't even know if I can define Stuff.  We still have one room in the house that is half full of boxes and half full of Stuff that we cannot work out why we held onto it for so long in storage and that is to be put onto Ebay.  Eventually.  The kitchen, even though I remember cleaning it at least twice, looks like a bomb went off in it after I decided over the weekend that my baking mo-jo was back, and my study, while better that it was, still has two piles of Stuff To Deal With.  

The problem, I believe, goes back to moving in only a few weeks before the wedding.  Actually it may go further back to the whole building taking two years and in that time moving form one tiny unit to another and collecting stuff for the house which saw our storage shed grow and grow.  Then we moved in, unpacked only the essential stuff, while still working on the house before running away for 6 weeks.  We came back to have one week at home where more Stuff was done and then it was back to work where everything stopped because we both found ourselves with 6 weeks worth of work to catch up on.

It just feels so never ending.  And the house has so much work left to it as well.  This weekend will be spent doing a retaining wall out the back and out the front.  I just need some order of things, I need to feel like we are moving forward and not running from one side to another.  So it is back to A Goal A Week and this week my goal is to tick off at least one thing on my To Do List every single day and to  bring back some order into life so we can have a much better week and when I am asked next Monday how my weekend was I can answer with a total recall.

Found

After watching 2 hours of TV, with every commercial break featuring either a life insurance policy ad or a funeral plan ad, otherwise known as You Will Die, I decided to pop down the road to collect the mail.  I put Mr C in the car because he needed to get out and off we went.  About half a km down the road I noticed one of the houses had two recycling bins, and one of them looked brand new.  I turned around pulled right up to it and sure enough, the idiot had left our sticker on it.  I parked the car about 100m down the road, left the window open for the dog and went and got our bin.  I stood at the front of the house and shot them a very nasty look before hauling the bin.  This caper went on for about 20 mins and doing the car/bin shuffle about 3 times.

The vitamin D injection can only assist in my flu recovery.  D was outside his house and I went and popped over.  D is this lovely man in his early 70s who has lived in the area for 25 years.  He lived here before the house estates started to take over.  I told him what happened and he informed me never to speak to the man as he is dangerous and has been known to "go off" at any moment.  He is not surprised he took our bin as he has been known to take items before and he has so much crap (I noticed that the property looked like a junk heap) he needs the extra bins.  He also told me that "allegedly" he is a dope addict and he wouldn't be surprised if he was growing weed in the back shed.  Nice.

Our house is at the end of the estate so some of our neighbours are on acreage and this idiot lives on a 5 acreage trash heap (fortunately half a km away and completely out of sight).  As D said it is a great area to live but as with everywhere there is usually one or two idiots that feel the need to ruin it for the rest of us.  I just hope he knows never to do it again.  Hubby is getting spray paint on the way home. 

Theft

One of my biggest fears is the house getting broken into.  I do not fear losing our belongings.  It is the fear that a total stranger would walk into our private sanctuary, touch our things and learn so much about us, our likes, our family, our history, our future.  It is the complete invasion of privacy that I fear.   Having a no good person knowing me and my family so intimately.  It scares me.

When the house next door was near it's build completion, the hot water heater was stolen.  A week later, the day after the turf was laid, someone/s came along, rolled the turf up and nicked it too.  When we laid the turf Hubby was up ever hour checking on it.  It was fine.  The house next door was built by a very dodgy builder who had made a lot of ex employees very unhappy.  We knew it wasn't the area, it was a personal attack.

In fact this is a good area.  There are no graffiti hash tags lining the fences.  Never reports of drive by shootings.  It is a heavy family area, with kids everywhere, kids with responsible parents.  We felt safe buying the land and have felt safe since we moved in.

I kissed Hubby goodbye this morning and in under a minute he walked back in.

"You will never believe this."

"What"

"Someone has stolen our recycling bin."

Sure enough in the space of under 9 hours, the bin was gone.  Hubby even drove up and down the street making sure council hadn't driven off with it by mistake.  But it was gone.  Whoever did this had some balls.  The bin sits under a very bright street light, and you cannot smuggle it under your jacket.  He would have had to walk along the street or footpath with it.  He obviously knew what he was doing because he made sure he was very quiet about it.  I just hope he was stupid enough to leave our stickers on it so we can go hunting for it in a fortnight.  I also hope he took it in the middle of the night when it was full of rubbish.  

I am grateful it was just a bin.  I am also grateful that I make a huge effort to shred everything with our name, address, personal details and to put all that info in the safety bin at work.  I hope he enjoys having to deal with smelly milk bottles, broken wine bottles, numerous catalogues and clunky cardboard.

It is just so random.  I do not know how I feel about it.  I think I am still in shock, I mean really, who steals a bin?  Now I need to call council and arrange another one, and this one is getting spray painted hot pink so if it does get taken again they wouldn't be able to put it out on the kerb.  The only thing that I am thinking about now is that maybe we need to get off the Pug baby list and get onto the German Shepard baby list.  Maybe 

Drama Drama Drama

I used to be a drama junkie when I was a teenager.  I think almost all teenagers are.  Then at some point, around my mid twenties, I didn't like it anymore.  I simply ran out of time for drama as I had more important things to do.  So I said goodbye to drama and embraced a more relaxed life. Really, who has the time or the energy.

This was working well until we found ourselves with a wedding and house at almost the same time.  This week I have had major wedding issues.  I have people not responding to my emails, other people not following through and I am currently in panic mode about invitations.  Yes I lost sleep over bits of cardboard that will sit on a fridge for a month and then find themselves in a bin.  

And then today I finally had a response from our reception venue, the place our whole wedding party is staying at for two nights to inform me that our contact person is no longer there anymore.  The owner will be dealing with it.  This shouldn't worry me but it does.  The other person said yes to everything and now I am worried the owner will turn around and say no.  No we cannot use the good china, no we cannot take the chaise lounge out onto the lawn for photos. Right now I am too afraid to find out.

When I came home today and opened up the mail there was a letter from our builder saying the house was finished and we need to arrange our final payment.  Coincidentally J was around at the house checking it out.  He informed me that we have a/c ducts but no a/c unit.  The bathrooms are titled and the showers installed but no shower screens.  We have a hole in the ceiling.  The downpipes haven't been connected into the ground and the bedrooms at the back have cupboards with no doors.  

I don't like all this drama, it is exhausting.  And I feel that it is all out of my control.  I want to press the pause button and have a holiday and not deal with anything, just for a week.  All the girls at work assure me that weddings are never perfect and stuff goes wrong and I accept that.  I just assumed it would happen on the day.  Not now.  I also assumed when the house was finished, it was in a position where we could just turn up with our boxes and move in.  The only cure is to breathe and take time out and have some fun.  Because as drama filled as life is for us right now, it is really exciting.  Two things we have been dreaming about are about to come true.  After so long we can finally see the light at the end, and the other side looks better than we ever dreamt of.

Another Night

I fell into bed around 8pm tonight.  So naturally I woke up at 12 ready to start my day.  J was up and he had the lights on which I think was what woke me, so I crawled out of bed and he crawled into it.  Our builder informed us on Monday that practical completion is two weeks away.  J is very excited.  I am going to wait until we have signed the paperwork.  Everyone assured us we would be in before Christmas and clearly that never happened.

I'm not trying to be negative, I like to think of it as being realistic.  Of course since Monday I have had trouble sleeping as I cannot switch off my thoughts.  The electrician rang to inform me he will he there next Wednesday and to remind me we need to bring along our lights and fans.  The ones we have been meaning to purchase.  I struggled at work because I couldn't focus and every chance I had I was searching for the things we needed.  On top of that my phone wouldn't stop ringing from wedding people.  I'm wondering if I should just give it all to our wedding planner.  I only wanted her to do a few things for us, mainly create a beautiful reception with decorations, but now I am seriously considering I should just give her the rest of my to do list.

So here I sit, almost 3am.  Mr C at my feet, because Mr C is a total Mummy's Boy.  I'm glad the weather is terrible and our plans for Australia Day have fallen through.  I am not up for going to the races in the rain.  We are off to the shops to find things we need and then the house to measure the windows because according to one curtain person I tried to obtain a quote from, there is no way the window sizes stated on the plans are the same as those in the house.  Seriously? 

It is not all bad, I am taking breaks by looking at Honeymoon places.  We really need to start booking those.  The honeymoon has been hard because we could go anywhere, where do you start.  Seeing as the House and Wedding are too close together we have decided on a three week honeymoon and to come back and spend time in the House getting it just the way we want it.  Save the overseas trip for another time, which is the plan, but who knows what will happen.  

A lot of people "joke" that we will get pregnant on the honeymoon.  I think for some family members they are really hoping it comes true.  I smile and say the only baby we will be coming home with is another pug.  Once we have the house we are going to get a little buddy for Mr C.  That will keep us busy for a long time.  And really, whose business is it anyway. 

Another Weekend

With the wedding so close now our weekends are getting clogged with wedding stuff.  This morning mum and I went to my appointment for my calico fitting of my dress.  My designer is amazing, she showed me the fabric she had sourced and everything was just perfect.  It was even better than what I could ever think of for my dream dress.  She put me into the calico cut out and everything just worked, she knew exactly what I needed for my shape and I was literally bouncing up and down from excitement.  In three weeks I go back and that is when I get to see my dress in its shape with the material.

As we walked back to the car, we passed a homewares shop that was closing down.  I managed to purchase a few cushions for the sofa and a great clock for our new kitchen.  If it isn't wedding to do's then it is all about the house.  Our builder is 90% sure we will be in our house in six weeks.  

So here I sit.  Working through my swamped inbox, starting to book our honeymoon, find music for the wedding, arrange dance classes and source coloured wedding shoes.  On top of that I'm trying to book in appointments for quotes for window furnishings and googling do-it-yourself decking.  

It is raining again this weekend so we have not been able to go out to the house to continue working on the garden.  That also means that our storage shed has to wait another week.  Tomorrow's plans have gone out the window but there is still plenty of boxes that need to be ticked and as long as I can keep ticking them off I can keep my stress levels down.  And should my stress levels get a little too out of control I do have my little stash of wines I can open, pour a glass, sit out looking over the lake, take a deep breath and remember, the wedding is one day, a mere 12 hours, and the house, the house will never be finished, it will be an ongoing labour of love.

Am I on Holidays yet?

So far it has been a very interesting holiday.  Our weekend in the City was fantastic.  It was just what we needed the only thing wrong with it was the accomodation.  It was a mystery hotel that was meant to be 5 star.  I would say it was 4 tops.  And that was for the room we had which they told us was an upgrade.  The bed was awful I hardly slept the whole time.

When we went to pick up Mr C on Monday from FMIL we all were sitting around talking and we started talking about the wedding.  She asked what day of the week it was.  J and I looked at each other as we have told her at least 100 times the details.  When we said Friday she said she couldn't come as she was working.  Interesting.  I picked up Mr C and told J that we have a busy day tomorrow and it was time to leave.  FMIL then went on about how it wouldn't be a problem, surely she could find someone to cover her, but we made it quite obvious that we did not appreciate that comment.  I'm still angry about it.  I mean really, your son is getting married and you have to work?  Did I mention she had already bought the dress she is going to wear and it is black?  I suppose I should be thankful that it is not white.

Then yesterday J had a really nasty toothache and we have just come home from the dentist after emergency surgery.  As you do 4 days out from Christmas.  We really should have left the country for the 2 weeks.

So here I am.  Not bothered to do anything tonight and looking at the presents still to be wrapped.  There is always tomorrow.  Actually tomorrow we would like to have drinks at our house.  The kitchen is almost finished and the painting completed and as soon as the new year is over and done with the bathrooms will be started and finished and that is pretty much it.  Must remain positive and not continue to dwell on the fact that we were supposed to be in before Christmas.  

Time to go sweet talk J into going away for a few nights next week.  So far the time off has not been the relaxation/get out and live life break I was planning for.  It's just been life without physically going to an office for 8 hours a day.  And I still haven't managed to get everything done.  Tomorrow is another day.