Where Is The Serenity?

Today I returned to work after a blissful 2.5 weeks off.  Hubby and I had a wonderful time, we took a trip down South and explored some beautiful countryside and powdery soft sand beaches and also spent some time at home, pottering about inside and out slowly working through our list and making our house feel as homely as possible.  I was in a fantastic frame of mind.  As relaxed as I had been all year and looking at everything with rose coloured glasses.  The days were long and pleasant and everything we did was done in a casual, leisurely pace.  Then last night I had to face the reality, that this state of nirvana was about to be over.  That was not a conscious thought but it must have existed on some level as I spent the night tossing and turning and not sleeping.  When I finally gave into my alarm I felt more tired than when I had gone to bed last night.

But I was determined.  I was going to ensure that my more positive outlook on life would flow through into work and that I would be positive and have a good day.  It was painful, I had 2.5 weeks worth of work, un-neatly piled up on my desk and the girls were only too keen to share with me the gossip I had missed out on.  As the day wore on and the piles became smaller and I found my groove again, I was starting to believe that this could work.  I could incorporate my holiday vibe into my work environment.  However as 5pm loomed the real office talk began, the complaining and whining and I politely nodded and smiled as I listened.  I wondered, was I that negative before my holiday?  I think I know the answer to that, and I'm not happy about it.  I did the only thing I could do.  I walked away.  I was not going to get caught up in all that rubbish again.

Holidays are a wonderful thing.  Of course there are just never enough of them.  In my happy, anxious free time, I gained a lot of clarity about things on my mind.  Answers to questions pondered became crystal clear.  So much so I felt like the answer was always there right in front of me, I just failed to see.  I finally worked out the direction for my life for the next few years, and I like it, I am excited by it and the more I picture it, the more I want it.  Everything seems to have fallen into place and I have a sense of where I want to go and how to get there.  My current job is not in that picture but that is ok.  It serves a purpose for now and when I think about my new goals it puts my job in perspective.  Just that, a job, an income, a place to earn money for now.  And with that in mind I can walk away from the negativity in the office.  I don't need it, and it serves no purpose.  I can go to work, do what I need to do and with a little bit of effort and mindfulness, stay in my serenity state of mind, hopefully until the next holiday.

Daydreaming

I caught the train to work today.  I haven't caught the train in a long while.  Of course when I was a regular user of public transport there were no quiet carriages.  I would try and read and find myself reading the same page over and over as I tried really hard not to listen to other conversations, or the music from the guy sitting across from me.  Today, however I indulged in sitting in a quiet carriage.

Ah, the serenity.  Although the first thing I noticed was that perhaps it was a little too quiet.  The silence was close to the line of peaceful and relaxing vs eerily quiet.  I look my seat and pulled out my book and began reading.  About a page in I put the book down.  It was too quiet to read, no one was moving and the gentle rock-rock of the carriage was almost hypnotising.  I looked out the window and found my mind easily slipping into that wonderful world of daydreaming.  My alter ego appeared and began living out all my dreams, big and small.  

Daydreaming is my favourite pastime.  I savour it whenever I have the chance.  I have even been known to potter about the house cleaning, only so I can escape to my alter ego and live in my fantasy world.  I find daydreaming cures all ills.  It calms me down when I feel upset and lifts me up when I am feeling flat, it also helps me to be clear on what I want and what I don't want.  And in those rare occasions when I am stuck watching something bad or listening to irrelevant chatter, it offers a reprieve and instantly makes the time pass better.

Of course once I escaped, the time to work passed in what felt like an instant.  The train had arrived at my station and I was off walking leisurely to work shaking off the clouds of my other world.  As I sat at my desk I felt relaxed, calm and ready to work.  Perhaps this is something I should look into.  A lot can be said for day dreaming and relaxing on the way to work, as opposed to dealing with the stress of peak hour traffic.  But then the convenience of private transport is maybe a slightly bigger indulgence that for now I think I will hold onto.  There is a lot to be said for getting home in the quickest amount of time possible.

Embracing

(I don't have a habit of letting Mr C eat my shoes, I turned around and this is how I found him)

Lately things have changed a little.  We seem to have found our niche and spot in this world and we are embracing just who we are.  In all honesty I have never been one to try and fit in with the crowd, I have never felt that I was ever in the crowd, but more standing back doing my own thing and occasionally glancing over at what everyone else was doing and thinking "What's the big deal?".

Our house will never be featured in a magazine, the walls are not white and I have a thing for colour.  We don't fill our house with things from the shops, things that everyone else has, and I really am not too fussed about throw cushions.  Aside from our bed and rumpus lounge, our house is full of second hand furniture, either from family or from second-hand vintage warehouses.  And the items that fill in the gaps are hand made and we have been fortunate enough in some instances to have spoken to the creator of the items themselves.  Our style is organic, natural, and most importantly, unique.

I do not like shopping.  Every now and then I would love a day in The City (with an unlimited Credit Card) to spend with my mum where we shop to our hearts content and have lunch at David Jones by the window overlooking Hyde Park.  Outside this I am not a fan.  I go to the shops when I need to, and by that I mean when I cannot get something online.

Some weekends are spent at home, we lock ourselves in our house and just chill with The Boys.  We don't feel the need to go out all the time, being introverts we get our energy from just being at home.  We are homebodies to the extreme and lately I have thought, why fight it?  What is so wrong with wanting to spend a day with my husband at home, pottering and snuggling on the couch watching Seinfeld for the 100th time?  In fact I really love getting up early on a Saturday morning and doing housework, to me it feel so satisfying, I would rather do that then go off to Westfield.

When we are not being homebodies we are out indulging in food and wine and antiques.  We love to explore country towns, popping into antique stores, we love to collect old books, for Hubby it is Engineering and for me it is Agriculture and Australian Classics, for most that would seem weird, but we love it.  We love to eat at good restaurants where they grow the food on site and where someone talks to you at the table to explain in great detail about your meal and of course to enjoy the meal with a great glass of wine.  I get a real kick from boutique wineries were we are the only people at the cellar door and the winemaker/owner takes the time to tell us their secrets and stories in each bottle of wine.  We seem to make instant friends with those who are as passionate about these things as we are.

Monday morning as people discuss their weekends at work I cannot help but think how different we are.  But why fight who we are?  We are now finding ourselves as a couple and embracing everything we have in common and all our passions and I could not be happier.  You really have two options when you wake up each day.  Choose to be happy and true to yourself

Friday

I think I may have been harsh on Sydney yesterday.  I was up very early on a train and with very little sleep.  I feel much better today although I am still on the train with little sleep.  It is a beautiful day this morning and watching the sun emerge over the mountains and light up the lake on the way down  certainly put a smile on my face.  

It is perfect Friday weather and while I wish I was retired and out on the lake I know I will enjoy today for everything I will learn.  I am very fortunate right now to have so many options.  To be close to the City if I need a little culture and to have the option on weekends to escape to the beach, the lake or the hinterland.  While deep down I long for our Rural Dream, it doesn't take away from how much I love where we are now or just how fortunate we are.  Happy Friday.

So Happy

When I finally cleared out the PO Box I was thrilled to see the latest issue of Country Style was there waiting for me.  This is of course my favourite magazine and one of only two magazines were I keep all the issues. 

Even better is that it is "The Wool Issue"

 

Wool is my favourite material.  When we were building I insisted on 100% wool carpet much to Hubby's horror.  He was determined to talk me out of it, but once he placed his barefoot onto the carpet sample he was hooked.  We choose a lovely plush, dense NZ wool which although not cheap was cheaper than some 50/50 wool/nylon blends.  I remember when the carpet was laid, we walked into the lounge room and lay down on the floor.  It was the best feeling in the world.  Even now when I come home and kick off my shoes I still smile to myself as my feet snuggle into the carpet with each step.

So this weekend I will carve our some time to sit with a coffee and my Country Style.  I have booked in Sunday afternoon where I can sit in the lounge and soak up the afternoon sun.  So happy.