Hello 3am, Again

Insomnia.  My oldest friend, it is clear to me now that you are back again.  I am hoping you will be going very very soon and I know I am not supposed to talk about you because that will keep you in my mind but maybe discussing our relationship will send you packing.

When did we meet?  As a child I was a bad sleeper and afraid of the dark, but I think it was sometime during High School we really became aquainted.  I remember all those nights lying in bed for hours just waiting to get to sleep.  And then when I finally did, a few hours later you returned.  Up I was and out watching TV waiting for sleep to tap me back on the shoulder.  It was tough.  I really hated you in Year 12 but I was determined not to let you affect me or my grades.

Then there was Uni and you were still hanging around and what about my final year? I was so burned out and you finished it off and broke me.  That was when I met another two friends, Depression and Anxiety.  I remember my Dr asking, was I not sleeping because of the depression or was it the not sleeping that began the depression?  I really do not know how I finished that year and was actually able to graduate.  But I feel you took something from me that year, I felt I lost my passion and drive and I did not get that back for many many years and even now I wonder if I have it all back.

I think we will skip over the rest of my 20s, that isn't a blog post that is a whole book!  And now here we are.  With the house and wedding I understood why you came back and once things settled down I found sleep again.  I enjoyed it so much.  But lately I have been up and now I feel it isn't a few bad nights, it is you again.  I go to sleep so well but then around 3ish, I am up, and my brain starts ticking over and off we go.  So here I sit, glass of milk, not really watching the DVD I have playing on the TV, and surfing the web/playing games on the ipad.  

I know how the rest of the morning will turn out because it is the same every time.  I will crawl back into bed at 5am when I finally start to feel tired.  Then my alarm will go off at 5:45 and I will turn it off and continue sleeping, which means the early morning work out I have been doing will not get done and, fingers crossed, I do it when I get home.  Hubby will then wake me up around 6:30 - 7:00 when I will have a shower and try to wake up.  I will get to work, fortunately I don't have a formal start time but a window of time in which I need to turn up, but I will get there a little later than I planned.  I will then wonder how I arrived, as the car trip feels like a blur.  Around 11am I will hit the wall and then in the afternoon feel the need for bed.  I will come home and collapse on the couch and rest and then the evening will be ruined because I just won't have the energy to do the housework etc that I had planned on doing.  Then we go two ways; you give me the night off and I have a great nights sleep and tomorrow will be a much better day, or you return and I say "Hello 3am, Again."