Changes

Things have been busy around here.  Mostly I have been busy.  I am not sure what it was exactly but in the last few weeks I have looked really hard at myself and my life.  I have known for a while I was going to reach this point because things have been uncomfortable.  In fact I was eagerly waiting for this point to happen.  It wasn't a moment as such, I didn't have a sudden realisation and suddenly everything changed, but more a growing awareness and for the last few weeks looking in.  As I look back now I can see that things have changed, permanently and for the better, but I cannot pinpoint an exact moment in time.

Basically it was time I walked my walk.  Time to live true to my values.  I think my health was the biggest thing.  I have known for a long time now what is wrong and what I need to do about it, but I have only ever put in minimal effort.  It was time I stopped talking about what I needed to be doing and just do it.  

A few weeks ago I started on some affirmations I have had for years.  Another thing I knew I should do, but never did.  I was meant to read them out loud in front of the mirror.  I couldn't even look myself in the mirror and say "I love you".  I started just reading them, a few days later I said them out loud, although it was just a whisper.  But each day my voice started to get louder.  I then repeated them in front of the mirror, but I wouldn't take my eyes of the sheet of paper.  Now I stare at myself in the mirror and say my affirmations out loud, to myself, with a smile.  I can even say "I Love You.".  

It is this single act alone of reading my affirmations that has enable me to completely change my life.  I come home now, and instead of sitting on the couch for 3 hours (and then complain the next day I have no time for anything) I get housework done, I cook, I clean, I spend time with Hubby just talking.  I play with the dogs, I read, I talk to my family on the phone.  I get the bills and other paperwork sorted.  I wake up in the morning and I walk, I have breakfast, I get the dogs ready, I make lunch.  I get to work and as soon as I sit at my desk I get started.  In every aspect of my life I am more productive than I ever have been.

I am happy now, I truly feel that I am now creating the life I always wanted.  There is still so much to do, and it isn't always easy, but now I am moving forward.  I think before I was just in a rut, it wasn't laziness per se, but more habit.  It was comfortable and really, I didn't know any different, but with that was the uncomfortable feeling that something wasn't right, that my dreams were just that, dreams, a fantasy life I was not on the path to achieving.  But now I feel I am on that path heading in the right direction.  I am not even sure of the end point, I don't even think there has to be one, for now it is about health and wellness and putting first what matters most and throwing out all the meaningless crap, physical, mental and emotional, it is time to stop planning for my life and to begin to live it.