Alone Again

And by alone I mean, us locals.  The holiday crowd has finally gone home and we have our shops, beaches and lakes back to ourselves to enjoy with much more space than we have had for the last two months.  

I don't mind these people, mainly Sydneysiders coming up and enjoying the place, but they bring their Sydney attitudes with them.  The road rage and the line pushing and the blatant disregard for the existence of other people.  After 18 months surely I can call myself a local now and join in with the born and bred locals in their observations.  Living here for so long I have managed to loose so much of my Sydney attitude and embraced a much more relaxed lifestyle.  You cannot help it here, it is in the air.  That and you have to adapt or the locals with cut you off, they can only tolerate the city rudeness for so long.

The street is quiet and the lake is empty.  There are school children in uniform playing in the park.  Retirees sitting out the front of their houses, cold (after dinner) drink in hand.  A motorbike rumbles in the distance and the warm breeze shifts in the trees.  This is home, just the way I like it.

Another Night

I fell into bed around 8pm tonight.  So naturally I woke up at 12 ready to start my day.  J was up and he had the lights on which I think was what woke me, so I crawled out of bed and he crawled into it.  Our builder informed us on Monday that practical completion is two weeks away.  J is very excited.  I am going to wait until we have signed the paperwork.  Everyone assured us we would be in before Christmas and clearly that never happened.

I'm not trying to be negative, I like to think of it as being realistic.  Of course since Monday I have had trouble sleeping as I cannot switch off my thoughts.  The electrician rang to inform me he will he there next Wednesday and to remind me we need to bring along our lights and fans.  The ones we have been meaning to purchase.  I struggled at work because I couldn't focus and every chance I had I was searching for the things we needed.  On top of that my phone wouldn't stop ringing from wedding people.  I'm wondering if I should just give it all to our wedding planner.  I only wanted her to do a few things for us, mainly create a beautiful reception with decorations, but now I am seriously considering I should just give her the rest of my to do list.

So here I sit, almost 3am.  Mr C at my feet, because Mr C is a total Mummy's Boy.  I'm glad the weather is terrible and our plans for Australia Day have fallen through.  I am not up for going to the races in the rain.  We are off to the shops to find things we need and then the house to measure the windows because according to one curtain person I tried to obtain a quote from, there is no way the window sizes stated on the plans are the same as those in the house.  Seriously? 

It is not all bad, I am taking breaks by looking at Honeymoon places.  We really need to start booking those.  The honeymoon has been hard because we could go anywhere, where do you start.  Seeing as the House and Wedding are too close together we have decided on a three week honeymoon and to come back and spend time in the House getting it just the way we want it.  Save the overseas trip for another time, which is the plan, but who knows what will happen.  

A lot of people "joke" that we will get pregnant on the honeymoon.  I think for some family members they are really hoping it comes true.  I smile and say the only baby we will be coming home with is another pug.  Once we have the house we are going to get a little buddy for Mr C.  That will keep us busy for a long time.  And really, whose business is it anyway. 

Another Weekend

With the wedding so close now our weekends are getting clogged with wedding stuff.  This morning mum and I went to my appointment for my calico fitting of my dress.  My designer is amazing, she showed me the fabric she had sourced and everything was just perfect.  It was even better than what I could ever think of for my dream dress.  She put me into the calico cut out and everything just worked, she knew exactly what I needed for my shape and I was literally bouncing up and down from excitement.  In three weeks I go back and that is when I get to see my dress in its shape with the material.

As we walked back to the car, we passed a homewares shop that was closing down.  I managed to purchase a few cushions for the sofa and a great clock for our new kitchen.  If it isn't wedding to do's then it is all about the house.  Our builder is 90% sure we will be in our house in six weeks.  

So here I sit.  Working through my swamped inbox, starting to book our honeymoon, find music for the wedding, arrange dance classes and source coloured wedding shoes.  On top of that I'm trying to book in appointments for quotes for window furnishings and googling do-it-yourself decking.  

It is raining again this weekend so we have not been able to go out to the house to continue working on the garden.  That also means that our storage shed has to wait another week.  Tomorrow's plans have gone out the window but there is still plenty of boxes that need to be ticked and as long as I can keep ticking them off I can keep my stress levels down.  And should my stress levels get a little too out of control I do have my little stash of wines I can open, pour a glass, sit out looking over the lake, take a deep breath and remember, the wedding is one day, a mere 12 hours, and the house, the house will never be finished, it will be an ongoing labour of love.

Looking Healthy

I was feeling particularly bloated this morning,  and was really feeling stressed the wedding which is 3 months away now and I am stressing that I am not going to look as good as I want too.  I've been trying to loose weight and all I seem to be doing is toning up.  Which is great, but I would love to just shave off the belly.

As I walked into the lunch room one of the girls sitting there looked up at me and said "You are really looking healthy."  I thanked her for the compliment, even though part of me couldn't help but think, is she really saying I looked awful before?

Things are happening.  It is not just about cms on my waist, it is about developing shape and having clear skin and sparkly eyes and feeling fantastic with abounding energy.  And I am starting to achieve these things.  I look in the mirror and I am blinded but when someone else points it out to me I can look again and see another person.  

I will look beautiful on my wedding day regardless.  I am stressing myself out for no reason.  J loves me and my body and I am starting too as well.  There are far more important things going on in my life than stressing about what I ate and when I didn't exercise.  Life is too precious for all that negativity.

Feeling alive

I woke up today with a splitting headache.  I didn't want it to set the tone for the day but even though I tried it seemed too.  When I arrived at work I just wanted to crawl under a rock.  I really wasn't that productive and everything seemed to be a huge effort.  I didn't have lunch with me, I wasn't that organised last night, so it was off to the food court.

The food court down the road consists of Maccas, Kebab King and Wok Kitchen.  I went with Maccas, even though I knew I shouldn't have.  As I sat in the break room eating I suddenly chocked and pulled out a black hair.  Being a blonde I almost threw up then and there.  

Then in the afternoon a client called to provide me with some information that he was meant to inform me of 4 months ago and has now created even more work for me.  I couldn't wait to get home.

As soon as I walked in the door I was greeted by Mr C.  I decided to take him for a walk and J decided to come as well.  It was only 20 minutes but it was lovely and now I can say I have had a great day today.  Walking in the afternoon sun with my two boys shaking off the day, getting fresh air and for the first time all day, feeling alive.  And now I sit here, my blood still pumping from the walk, feeling energised and ready to do all I have to do tonight.  Tonight, dinner will be cooked, housework achieved and even a few wedding items ticked off the list.

Today

We will not be going for a bike ride
We will not be going to the beach

We will not be weeding the garden

We will not be rearranging the shed.

Which means I have no idea what we are going to.  And maybe that is the point, maybe someone is trying to tell us to do nothing.  After all it is the weekend.  That or maybe the message is stay inside and clean the house.  Either way I'm going to have to just go with the flow and deal with it.  I cannot control everything.

Over It

I thought planning a wedding was going to be fun.  And it was to start off with but now that it is getting close and there is still so much to do I am completely over it.  Tonight I feel like I have come home to do my other job.  Fill in forms and send emails and complete a checklist.  I crossed off the big stuff early on, the location, the reception and the photographer.  Then I took a little break and got back into it again by finding my dress designer, picking a theme and finally giving up and hiring a wedding planner.

And now what is left is all the boring, small stuff, like arranging the car hire, and trying to figure out what gifts we should have.  Don't even ask about the honeymoon.  That is another to do item.  As is our new house, which is also at crunch time and now I need to get that together.  Still need to arrange curtains, pay the balance on the carpet, find a tiler and organise a fence.  And that is just the start.  We did not plan a wedding and house at the same time.  It just happened that way.  That is our life.  It is either all or nothing and as exhausting and frustrating as it can be I really don't think I would have it any other way.

Time

There isn't enough and I need more of it.  When I went back to work I had 2.5 weeks worth of work sitting in a massive folder on my desk.  Why bother going away at all.  I have come in early the last three days to get through it all but it will take another week to do it.  

Then yesterday we received the letter we had been dreading.  Rental inspection.  At least we have 6 weeks to prepare.  It's not that we don't take care of the place, it is just since December every surface we have is covered in crap and it would be nice to deal with all that crap before the inspection.  It would make cleaning easier too.

I finally sent off our marriage application form to the church today.  It has been on my to do list for 2 months and prior to that it took 2 months to get around to contacting the church.  Love the country town wedding thing, can totally leave stuff to the last minute and no dramas.  I still need to do the paperwork for the planner and the reality is, it ain't going to happen till the weekend.

Just came back from the shops with 4 tins of tomatoes, because we needed them for dinner which will now be eaten hopefully before 9pm tonight.  My mind won't switch off from my massive to do list and I am starting to stress that as I have not yet enrolled into uni it might be too late and instead of doing it right now it feels better to stick my head in the sand and CONTINUE TO LEAVE IT.  I actually think this is my way of delaying it.  Part of me wants to not go back till after the wedding, but then I have a certain time frame in which to finish and then I am kinda pushing it.

Anyway.  Everything will get done and is slowly starting to get done and in the midst of it all I'm happy.  I'm thinking about things I want to change, in a good way and I feel better having said all this. And J just told me the pot is scrubbed, time to get dinner on.

Hello 2012

So lovely to see you.  I have been looking forward to meeting you for a while now.  It is nice to be rid of your ugly neighbour 2011.  But we will not dwell on that as it is all in the past now.

I know you have a lot in stall for me this year.  We will finally be moving into our very own house in the next few months.  More than 2 years after we paid the initial deposit on an empty block of land we will be walking through the door to our first house.  A place that truly will be home and we can be settled in for many many years.

Shortly afterwards I will be marrying the man of my dreams after knowing the moment I saw him that I was going to marry him.  Which of course means I will finally have a much needed break with our honeymoon.  Not long after our wedding I will be hitting the big 3-0.  And this is all in the first half of the year!  

I am feeling really good and energised.  There is so much to do but for the first time in a long while I feel free.  I feel able to do it all and to just let it happen as it should.  This year is about stabilising and settling into my life and then stretching myself further than I ever have before.  It is going to be a great year, in fact I think it is going to be my best yet.