Looking Healthy

I was feeling particularly bloated this morning,  and was really feeling stressed the wedding which is 3 months away now and I am stressing that I am not going to look as good as I want too.  I've been trying to loose weight and all I seem to be doing is toning up.  Which is great, but I would love to just shave off the belly.

As I walked into the lunch room one of the girls sitting there looked up at me and said "You are really looking healthy."  I thanked her for the compliment, even though part of me couldn't help but think, is she really saying I looked awful before?

Things are happening.  It is not just about cms on my waist, it is about developing shape and having clear skin and sparkly eyes and feeling fantastic with abounding energy.  And I am starting to achieve these things.  I look in the mirror and I am blinded but when someone else points it out to me I can look again and see another person.  

I will look beautiful on my wedding day regardless.  I am stressing myself out for no reason.  J loves me and my body and I am starting too as well.  There are far more important things going on in my life than stressing about what I ate and when I didn't exercise.  Life is too precious for all that negativity.

Breaking the Barrier

Yesterday after work we had training.  We get weighed every Monday.  I was so worried, I spent all day trying to think of a million excuses to use to get out of getting weighed.  I was so sure I would have gained weight and I kept telling myself that I don't care about my weight, that I just want to be happy and healthy.

When it came time to get on the scales I gave my trainer an earful about how strong I am and therefore I must be gaining muscle so I cannot expect to loose much in fact I probably gained.  Well not only did I loose but I finally cracked the 90kg barrier.  I have been trying to achieve that for almost 3 years now.  I have come close but never crossed it.  I crossed it and cleared it with 89.0.

I almost cried.  I was in shock.  Not only did I break the 90 but it also meant that I had now officially lost over 5kg.  In the past I have lost 3kg, maybe 4kg if I was lucky.  Never 5kg.  Two milestones at once.  I am still on my weigh loss high.  I am also very motivated to keep going.  To ensure next week I am 88 something.  Actually to be honest I am hoping to be 87 something.  I am so fired up now.  I have always read that once you get 5kg done the rest starts to become easy and I am now finding that.  It is getting easy.  I don't want unhelpful foods as much as I once did.

I still have a long way to go.  My diet lifestyle still needs a lot of work, but I am a lot better than where I was when I first started.  I just want to get a little better each week.  It has taken me months and months to reach this point but finally things are happening.  And my body is responding, I am listening to my body and treating it better each day.  Being more mindful and trying to be just a little more active.  There is only one way from here and that is down on the scales.  I can sense change in the air and the subtle feeling that next year is going to be my best yet.