Today I returned to work after a blissful 2.5 weeks off. Hubby and I had a wonderful time, we took a trip down South and explored some beautiful countryside and powdery soft sand beaches and also spent some time at home, pottering about inside and out slowly working through our list and making our house feel as homely as possible. I was in a fantastic frame of mind. As relaxed as I had been all year and looking at everything with rose coloured glasses. The days were long and pleasant and everything we did was done in a casual, leisurely pace. Then last night I had to face the reality, that this state of nirvana was about to be over. That was not a conscious thought but it must have existed on some level as I spent the night tossing and turning and not sleeping. When I finally gave into my alarm I felt more tired than when I had gone to bed last night.
But I was determined. I was going to ensure that my more positive outlook on life would flow through into work and that I would be positive and have a good day. It was painful, I had 2.5 weeks worth of work, un-neatly piled up on my desk and the girls were only too keen to share with me the gossip I had missed out on. As the day wore on and the piles became smaller and I found my groove again, I was starting to believe that this could work. I could incorporate my holiday vibe into my work environment. However as 5pm loomed the real office talk began, the complaining and whining and I politely nodded and smiled as I listened. I wondered, was I that negative before my holiday? I think I know the answer to that, and I'm not happy about it. I did the only thing I could do. I walked away. I was not going to get caught up in all that rubbish again.
Holidays are a wonderful thing. Of course there are just never enough of them. In my happy, anxious free time, I gained a lot of clarity about things on my mind. Answers to questions pondered became crystal clear. So much so I felt like the answer was always there right in front of me, I just failed to see. I finally worked out the direction for my life for the next few years, and I like it, I am excited by it and the more I picture it, the more I want it. Everything seems to have fallen into place and I have a sense of where I want to go and how to get there. My current job is not in that picture but that is ok. It serves a purpose for now and when I think about my new goals it puts my job in perspective. Just that, a job, an income, a place to earn money for now. And with that in mind I can walk away from the negativity in the office. I don't need it, and it serves no purpose. I can go to work, do what I need to do and with a little bit of effort and mindfulness, stay in my serenity state of mind, hopefully until the next holiday.
Beautifully written and I so relate.
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